Skip Williams

GRADUATE PROFILE

When Skip Williams first heard about the Basic Training, he was interested, but skeptical. “I was at a point in my life where, although good things were happening in my life, particularly in my work, I was looking for something else-something to connect me spiritually with myself and with other people. When a co-worker told me about the trainings, I was immediately interested. However, one of the things that really bothered me as we began to talk about it a little bit more was I thought this was either one of these white, middle-class gimmicks, or something for people who needed to be fixed." Skip, an anesthesiologist, intensive care unit codirector, and professor at George Washington University Hospital, is black. He was born in Harlem and raised in Brooklyn. The woman who told him about the trainings offered to introduce him to a black man who was a graduate of the training. “They came by my house one Sunday afternoon. It turns out that this man not only was black, but was also from Brooklyn. He said he felt the trainings were probably the most significant thing that had happened to him in his life. He related personal experiences about how it had affected his relationship with his wife and family and how he had a richer, fuller life as a result. I felt that this guy was being really honest with me, and I knew I could trust my friend who first told me about Lifespring, so I said ‘Why not?'

“I went into the training with nervous anticipation. I had no idea what was going to happen. I had never gone to a Guest Event. I was reluctant and nervous. During the first evening, I sat there wondering why I was doing this.

“By the second night, I was beginning to think there was something to the training, but the most significant thing that occured for me was what they call the Red/Black Game on the third night. Looking at how I participated in that game was a big slap in the face. I came face to face with some issues that I thought I had taken care of in my life, but had obviously not. That exercise opened up incredible possibilities for me, particularly with respect to my father.I played the game knowing how to win. I made my statement to the group and I fought for about ten minutes. Then my attitude was ‘Forget it!' Nobody was listening. Everybody wanted to fight. Forget it. I sat there and kept my mouth shut. I extrapolated that and realized that I did the same thing in other areas of my life too.

“The context of the Basic Training gave me the perfect opportunity to deal with issues of vulnerability in that I could say the things that I was really feeling in my heart. In the past, I wouldn't always say those things in case people criticized me for them or wouldn't like me as a result. I always either gave in to make people feel good, or hid that vulnerability and acted like I didn't care at all. That was one major breakthrough that resulted from the Red/Black Game. I decided that from that point on, if a thousand people were saying one thing and I felt strongly about a different thing, as long as I wasn't being dogmatic I would stick to what I believed was right. That has spilled over into my everyday life now.

“Another result of the Red/Black experience was that I contacted my father, from whom I had been estranged for over twenty years. What allowed me to do that was that in the training I felt I was with the most caring, supportive people. That environment was so nurturing, so caring, that it really gave me strength.I got a chance to really relate with what it was like for my father. I looked back and acknowledged that he really didn't know how to be a father. And lots of fathers don't know how to be fathers. And I'm not sure if I would know how to be a father,either. That was a real release for me.It really helped me be comfortable with my relationship with my dad. As I was dialing his number, I was shaking. I told him that I knew we had had a lousy relationship and, although I still disagree with a lot of the things that he's done, he's my father and I love him. I was able to say that for the first time in twenty years.Since that time we talk to each other at least on a weekly basis. We've seen each other several times and we're beginning to work out a relationship again.

“Another thing I looked at in the training was leadership.I had always been characterized as a leader, but I was a reluctant leader. As a result of the trainings, I actually realized what it means to be a leader. What it means to really take responsibility. Although I can't please everybody,at the same time I can be who I am and continue to make the important decisions that I need to make for other people as well as myself.

“That has really been valuable to me in terms of giving lectures. One of the things I have wanted was to be recognized as an excellent teacher. People have always said I was a good teacher and a good doctor. But one of my goals coming out of the training was to make myself the best teacher that I could possibly be. A week ago I won what we call here the Golden Apple Award. I was voted the most outstanding professor by the students. This is the first time someone in our department has won that award. That is a concrete result that I definitely attribute to the Lifespring trainings. I had wanted it years before and it didn't happen. After the training, I felt that I had more of an inner confidence that came out of the whole aspect of spirituality, of not being an isolated entity. I experienced really feeling connected, that I really had something that was worthwhile to give to people. And, in fact, people commented on how I was different, how my lectures were different. They noticed a surge of confidence that they hadn't seen before. That was very important to me. I was always good in one-on-one situations, but the large group situation always intimidated me a bit. Now, even though I'm intimidated a little, I go ahead and I do whatever is necessary.

“My friendships have been enhanced like they never have been before, both with the true friends I have gained as a result of the trainings, and with my friends who have not done the training. It was a little difficult at first with the friends who hadn't done the trainings because I began to say things that a lot of them really didn't want to hear. One of the goals I set for myself was to be honest in every situation. That goal came out of an exercise in the Basic where I wasn't completely honest with someone. She knew I wasn't being honest, and I could just see the pain in her eyes. Sometimes my commitment to honesty means that I say something to somebody that they may not want to hear. It takes courage, but if it's an honest appraisal, I have to say it. I have a genuine caring and love for the friends I have made through the trainings. These are the kind of friends that I can count on to require the best of me, even if that means confronting me.

“The trainings allowed me to come face to face with who I am and what I really believe in. Even if you never take the trainings, there are certain things you really believe in. The trainings allowed me to take a stand about what I believe in and live my life according to that stand. They have helped me to integrate that in my everyday life by giving me a focal point, a clarity about what I stand for. Through the trainings, I see myself in a position to make a difference."